I was five days old when my parents got to take me home. So this is the only family I have ever known. My parents always told me I was adopted, it was never a secret. It was talked about as if it was a positive thing to be adopted. I had two families that loved me. When I was about seven it really hit me what being adopted really meant. I don't know why, but for me it hit me like a ton of bricks. Wow, I wasn't REALLY a part of this family. Who was I? Where do I belong? Why didn't my birth mother want me? I really struggled with those questions for a long time. I didn't have any friends that were adopted, so I didn't have anyone who really understood what I was feeling. My sister was my parents biological daughter, so that really made me feel out of place. But it was all my own thinking, there was nothing anyone ever did to make me feel that way. But you can't control the way you feel about something sometimes, it just is.
I have gone through times where I have wondered what my birth family was like, mostly in my adolescence. Like many teenagers, I hated my parents and thought it had to be better somewhere else. Because I am adopted, I had another family I could think about. My birth family had to be better, right? What were they like? Do I look like any of them? Do I act like any of them? I planned how and when I was going to meet them all the time.
I never did extensive research to find my birth family. It wasn't important once I grew up and figured out what really mattered in life. There comes a time in your life when it's time to grow up and realize what you have and be grateful for it. I have a family, a great family, and we are all pretty close. I still think about finding my birth family from time to time, mainly to just know my medical history or some of my past history, but I am in no rush. I think some day I will have some extra time and start the process. Who knows.
