Tuesday, March 8, 2011

A healing letter from a friend...

The days after handing Rachel over to the social worker were hard. It would hit me at the most random times. The day after Valentines Day I second guessed my decision. I was alone and started thinking, I got sad and wanted Rachel back. I walked up to my parents room and called the LIGHT House. I talked with the social worker. I knew I still had time legally to change my mind, and I was seriously considering it. I asked her if the parents, who I then knew as Mr. and Mrs. C, had met Rachel yet. She told me that they had met her the day before, Valentines Day. I knew instantly that I could not change my mind. I would never do that to someone. Even though I never realized, until much later in my life, exactly how they felt, I knew I couldn't do that. So the decision was final for me at that point. I believe I knew anyway, I just needed to hear it.

Over the course of time at the LIGHT House, I became very close to many of the staff members. I can honestly say that staying at the LIGHT House was one of the best experiences of my life. The people around me were amazing and helped me grow so much. Plus we had a lot of fun! I was so fortunate that many of the staff, who I had become close with, were a part of Peter and Patti becoming Rachel's parents.

About a week after I called the LIGHT House, I received a healing letter from one of the staff members at the LIGHT House. She was able to be a part of Mr. and Mrs. C meeting Rachel and wrote me a letter to give me the details. This was the letter:

February 1989

Dear Julie,

From the beginning! I walked into the adoption room and it was full. There were three adoptions that day. I asked Patty (the social worker) which one's are Julies, and she pointed them out. About that time Shirley, (another social worker) brought them over and introduced me. Oh Julie they are perfect, absolutely perfect. My spirit rejoiced when I met them. They both have such a sweet spirit and the love of God radiates from them.

Mr. C. had on a pink shirt and a pink button on his shirt that says "it's a girl". He said he wore the pink shirt in honor of his daughter. Mrs. C. had a pink button on too. Then Jim Williams, the director of the LIGHT House, said, "Well while all the babies are being good lets all get in a circle and have prayer." Jim asked Charlotte (another social worker) to pray for Mr. and Mrs. C. and Rachel. As Charlotte prayed I had to peek. Mr. C. had his arm around Mrs. C and Mrs. C. was holding Rachel. They were both looking at Rachel and they both had tears in their eyes. (I'm crying as I'm writing this... I really can't put into words the joy and love I say in their faces) At the end of the prayer (I was still peeking) I watched Mrs C. hold Rachel even closer and whisper "I love you".

Then I had to blow my nose and dry my eyes. They had their picture taken with Robert, the other director of the LIGHT House, and then I got to visit with them. They first thought I was your birthcoach. They knew you'd had a long labor and inquired about that. They told me about the letters they have already received and their hearts were touched. They thought it was wonderful that 'grandma' had written too. They are so grateful to you Julie. I know their love is extended to you also. The shard with me about the day Rachel was born, they were in a March for Life on that day.

I asked Mrs. C. if she worked. She smiled and said "not any more" and looked at Rachel. She said she would continue teaching a Bible study though.

The two of them were inseparable. As we stood talking Mr. C. gently touched little Rachel head. We all laughed as we watched her 'chew on her pacifier'. She had the little pink dress on that you bought for her. She was awake through the whole thing and she was an angel. There is no doubt in my mind that she could sense their love and care.

Mr. C. has a warm smile, a tender heart and its very obvious he is very much in love with Mrs. C. As he looks at his new daughter - awe and overwhelming joy and protectiveness are seen in his eyes. He couldn't stay away from her or keep from looking at her. He is a Godly man and i know he will be a wonderful father.

Mrs. C. has a friendly, outgoing personality. A gentle spirit and an abundance of love and I know she seeks Gods guidance daily. The peace of God dwells in her. I sensed a 'oneness' in their relationship to each other and the Lord.

I can not imagine how difficult this has been and is for you Julie. I had to turn my son over to our Heavenly Father when he was nine months old. Only in that way can I relate to your pain. But if I would of had to turn him over to earthly parents I would choose Mr. and Mrs. C. I say that with all honesty. They have the heart of God and little Rachel will be cherished and deeply loved her whole life through.

I love you. I miss you. I'm praying for you. Linda

The picture above is the little dress I bought for Rachel to meet her parents in. My mom shares a story of when she met me and I was in a raggedy old onsie. She ripped off my onsie and put me in a beautiful dress she had brought. I wanted them to meet her in pink! She was beautiful in pink!

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