Thursday, March 3, 2011

My letter to my precious baby

I sent this letter with Rachel for her to read when her parents felt she was ready.

My most precious little Rachel Kristine,

Oh how I love you. You mean the whole world to me right now. All I have ever wanted was a little girl of my own. Now I have you and I must give you a better life. I know it is the best thing for you. My mind has gone back and forth sense I've been at the LIGHT House. I finally made my decision when I realized I couldn't provide you with the kid of life I wanted you to have.

I too was adopted. I was six days old when I was given to my wonderful parents. They are the best parents. God definitely chose them for me. And I feel that God has chosen Mr. and Mrs. C to be your parents. I chose them because I felt so good inside after reading their profile. They're really good Christians - and that was the most important thing to me. I know that they will raise you as a Christian so that I will see you again someday in heaven.
I made a promise, the day I had you dedicated to the Lord, January 29, 1989, that I would pray for you each and every day. My prayers will be for your health, that you will find Jesus Christ as your personal savior at an early age, that you will have a happy life, and that you will become everything that you want to be. I will also pray that you know and understand my love for you. I never thought that there was a love as strong as the love that I feel for you.

My being adopted, I didn't understand. I wanted to write to you so someday you would understand and not have to struggle through unanswered questions. Now I understand, but I had to learn a few lessons through painful experiences. I love you and don't want you to have to suffer and go through any of the rebellion I went through.

I have so much enjoyed the nine days that I got to spend with you. You are so content and so much fun. You have made us laugh so often. You love to suck on your fists or anything you can get in your mouth. You were sucking the minute you were born. I love it when you suck on your fists to tell me that you're hungry, or let out a little whimper to tell me that your diaper needs changing. You are the cutest baby that I have ever seen. You were so good and so cute those nine days I had with you. I have always heard my grandma's calling little babies "button", "Rosebuds", "Bunnies", "Angel"... Especially the "Rosebud". You are so pretty in the color pink and your cheeks are so rosy that you look like a little Rosebud.

My most precious little Rachel Kristine, I chose your name because it has such a special meaning. Rachel is a name that I have loved since I was a little girl. I decided that would be the name for my little girl someday. When I learned the meaning of Rachel, that name became even more special. It means "Little Lamb". I know how God watches over His lambs - and I have to depend on Him and trust Him to be your shepherd and watch over you in my absence.

Is. 40:11 says, "He tends His flock like a shepherd. He gathers the lambs in His arms, and carries them close to His heart." You are close to my heart too, my little lamb - today and always. I have given your mommy and daddy a Precious Moments Little Lamb that they will give you when you receive this letter. I hope and pray you will understand it means that I love you and that I have entrusted my "Little Lamb" to Jesus.

I also have a Precious Moments Lamb, just like yours, to be a special remembrance of you always. I will treasure it as I treasure my thoughts and my precious moments with you.

Your middle name, Kristine, is after my sister. She is my parents natural daughter. I love her so much and she is one of my best friends. I pray that you will have a wonderful family as I do. My mom and dad love me so much and they have been great parents.

I love you and cherish the time I had with you.
Your natural mother (who will ALWAYS love you)


  1. Dearest Julie,
    I have loved you since the first time I held you in my arms and
    I knew you were ours! It never mattered to me that you didn't grow in my own body, but you grew in my heart. I was thrilled to be your Mommie and loved having you as my "own" precious baby!
    It grieved me deeply to watch your pain as you struggled with your decision; to keep your precious baby or to place her for adoption. I know your decision was unselfish and the consideration for her future was far beyond your own needs and feelings. It took tremendous courage to not only give her "life", but to give her a better life that you were not able to give her at that time.
    Being with you through your labor and delivery was an honor, and little did I know, would be the one and only opportunity for me as your Mother. It was a thrill to be able to care for you and Rachael those precious 9 days. Not knowing what you would decide during those days did not keep us from bonding to that sweet baby girl! It made the separation and saying good-bye deeply painful!!! It was the sweet comfort of God, and knowing He had hand picked her Mommie and Daddy, that eased that searing pain a little. There was a peace in knowing God took a difficult circumstance and blessed another family with such joy! I am a recipient
    of such joy when we were given the gift of our baby girl - Julie Ann - at 5 days old.
    We have been blessed!

  2. Thanks mom! I am so thankful you were able to be a part of that time in my life, and many others. I am blessed to have you as my mother. I love you!